Living and Dying

It may have seemed like I fell off the blog table recently but all I did was stop to take my breath.

The good thing is that I can get my head around that fall and blog again.

You see, when I wrote my first blog, I was drawn to the excitement of writing to someone or more than one person who was reading it and appreciating the issues I wrote about or just enjoying the short stories. The many comments and praises that came in about my posts fed my ego. I could not stop. A close friend remarked that it was “godly” and I can understand what he means now although I did not at first. I thought he was being sarcastic.

The respond from the readers (whom I would like to thank very much), also encouraged me to go from my initial plan to write once a week to a daily scribble of stories.

So there I was enjoying my new celebrity status in blogging, even though you veteran bloggers may not think I am quite there yet; I was so driven in that moment and nothing could stop me until the big fall.

In the middle of all that blog-buzz, right there, on the centre stage, I fell apart.  My personal relationship ended suddenly and it literally crushed my heart. My old body wanted to shut down. I probably could have handled the break up better if I had wanted it to end. I felt hurt, sick, angry, insecure and most of all helpless.  I spent two weeks alone.

I read many of what others wrote and although some were funny, there were many different messages too, but all about the same things. Our life. Our relationships. Our struggles and our triumphs being some of these emotions we all live through in life.

Above all, I believe, our life is about love and happiness. Everyone needs love. When you have love, you are happy.

So, some soul searching, a little bit of bird talk, music from rustling trees, croaking frogs and the cicada choir sorted me out. Nature can give you some love back and this is true when you are surrounded by beautiful animals and birds.

Last week, my aunt passed away after a long illness with diabetes. It was deeply sad. Illness can make us lose hope and separate us from people that we love and things that we do. Illness can also make us despair and hate life itself. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do to save someone we love. Life can make us very powerful and also take all that power away and we become helpless. And money cannot buy all power. What use is that power when you cannot help someone you love that is dying?

Two days after my aunt’s death, a very close girl friend’s father who was also a friend of mine died of a heart attack. He was a very successful lawyer and  one of the change maker who inspired many. It was shocking news. No-one saw that coming.

When I went to the family, my girlfriend read some of the things her father had written for her and showed me some pictures. These were her most powerful memories she hung onto while the rest of her mind was trying to accept that her father whom she really loved was very healthy, fit and happy when she had only seen him a few weeks before. She could not accept that death had stolen her dad.

I myself felt there was injustice as to why a happy, healthy man would die like that. It made me think of many of my own family members that had died for no good reason at all.

Travelling between and spending time with the two families gave me a lot to think about. I thought about how life can be so full and rich yet, anything can happen and change it drastically. And in the case of my aunt, no-one could do any-more to heal her, even though she was cared for and loved. With my friend, I hope she finds some peace in her heart and comfort in her family and friends. When my brother passed away just before he turned 32, we as a family never spoke much about what happened. None of us knew why he died. It just happened one day. We accept that he is not around but we don’t really accept that he will never be back.

It is true what they say about living in the moment and living now. You just never know what can happen next.  Enjoy your life. Strive to be happy.

5 thoughts on “Living and Dying”

  1. Hey Joyce,
    Thanks for sharing and so sorry to hear about your recent breakup and in your family. You are right by saying to live your life and enjoy it because you can’t predict what the next day will bring. Keep writing and whatever..


  2. Thank you for writing stuff in your life that makes you a human being.I also like the way you have with words..descriptive and makes me feel like I am there with you in those places and situations you talk and write about.Amazing emotions flow with the words you carefully chose and I like that too.


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